The Frustration Response

Frustration can sneak up on us, knock us off balance and lead us to do things we will regret. How can we fight it?

Even as I write this, I am frustrated. I set up a nice little workstation with my laptop at the kitchen table to escape my (darling, wonderful, love-of-my-life) husband (who takes care of me and loves me and is patient and kind). Not too long after I got into a little bit of a groove in my writing, he came into the adjoining kitchen and started talking to me.

If you are a writer or do other work that requires focus, you know how frustrating this can be. I felt my throat tighten and my stomach knot as he asked me (sweet, interested) questions:

“What are you writing?”

“How is it coming?”

“Did you finish the other project you were working on?”

Trying to focus, I gave single-word answers that inspired more questions. “Something.” “Slowly.” “No.”

Then I asked him to stop talking, which made the next few minutes awkward. And completely shut down my train of thought. And left me frustrated.

Frustration dangers

Frustration is quite possibly the easiest way to knock us off our Christian path. Frustration is usually about things that are small enough to seem unimportant, but when we are frustrated, it is nearly impossible to keep our thoughts and actions in line with God’s Word. Our minds go into attack mode. We lash out at those around us. Our body tenses, our stomach knots, and we go into an emotional overdrive that is hard to control.

Frustration can happen in an instant, and we can act on it before we even realize what has happened.

Tackling my frustration

Frustration has been a particular problem for me. At my best, I seem perky and friendly to all I meet. But I’ve been that angry woman screaming at traffic jams. I’ve cried myself to sleep over some problem I’ve gnawed and gnawed at with no answer in sight. I have even, rarely, thrown things (mostly nonlethal) when I didn’t know how else to express the huge constriction of energy inside of me.

Growing older, I’ve lost the taste for drama and decided to make a concerted effort to tackle frustration.

First I tried to solve it myself, gritting my teeth when something went wrong and trying to simply control the frustration until it went away. Usually this ended with me jumping on the unlucky person who made the final comment that wore away my self-control.

I’ve tried writing about it, breathing through it, walking, singing or cleaning through it. While all of these methods helped, they didn’t make a significant change in the number of times I felt at the mercy of frustration; they just gave all that energy a place to go. Things still pulled on my last nerve, but I didn’t blow up as much.

Calling for help

Finally, I realized that frustration is more than an unpleasant experience—it’s a growth lesson. When I began to focus on the big stuff, little things were less likely to frustrate me.

I also realized that turning to God in the moment of frustration instead of looking for the least damaging way to vent is the only way to completely short-circuit the frustration response.

I felt foolish the first time I prayed to God with my teeth clenched, telling Him I realized I was not handling my traffic jam/computer problem/irritating phone caller in a way that would make Him proud. I asked Him to please help me learn to work through the frustration and to give me the ability to build the patience and love that would minimize my irritation at others.

I also told Him I realized that I was responsible for what I did in the midst of frustration and to please forgive me for the times I’d let myself lose control of my emotions.

Strange things

Strange things started happening. That first time, the frustration didn’t magically disappear, but my ability to control it increased. Much like an aspirin can make pain manageable without completely eliminating it, God answered my prayer by taking the edge off the frustration, allowing me to step back from the moment’s emotion.

While I didn’t see a way out of my frustrated feelings, I did see directions I did not want to go. I learned to sit still and wait before acting. Usually that little bit of breathing room allowed traffic to dissipate, people to calm down or computers to reboot.

Moving forward, I continued praying about my frustration problem, and after several sessions of dealing with frustrations with prayer, I gradually found fewer things frustrated me.

Not yet immune

I am not yet immune to frustration—but you probably guessed that, since the inspiration for this blog entry was a frustrating incident! But tonight, rather than yell at my husband or say something cruel that I would regret, I was able to (fairly) calmly tell him that I needed time alone. My calm response turned the frustration into this blog entry instead of into harsh words that would require an apology later. I’ve learned that God wants to help us when we are willing to work to overcome our faults.

My advice? Pray to Him about your frustrations—and then practice calm responses in line with His Word. God will help because He loves you!

Teresa Green lives with her caring and patient husband, Jim, and attends the Williamsburg, Virginia, congregation of the Church of God, a Worldwide Association.

For more about dealing with frustrations and other trials, see:

• Let God Write the Story of Your Life!
• A Lesson I'll Never Forget
• Stuck in the Slush: Learning the Power of Patience and Prayer
• Overcoming Temptation: Finding a Way of Escape