“A Spoonful of Honey Will Catch More Flies Than …”

Mix a brand-new restaurant, bugs, Ben Franklin and a biblical heroine, and what do you get? Answers for dealing with angry people!

The other day a coworker and I were having lunch at one of the local eateries. It was a new upscale restaurant where you could order a la carte and everything was fresh and made to order. As we looked around, everything was new and shiny except for one yawning flaw. There were flies. Ick! Not one or two, but we counted three flies on the table next to us.

It was ruining the ambiance. The flies were so bothersome that we sat and rehearsed different ways the establishment might rid itself of these pesky pests. Just swatting at them didn’t get rid of them. They came back in two seconds.

My friend offered an eco-friendly remedy she had seen used in another restaurant. Small bags of sugary water hung from unique locations to attract the flies away from the table.

This brought to mind the simple wisdom of Benjamin Franklin: “A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.”

It also works on people

Later I was reflecting on the day, and it occurred to me how often we can have a conversation that requires us to use a little honey to soothe someone’s feelings or quiet her agitation. How do we answer? What words do we use to defuse the anger? We can take a cue from one of the heroines of the Bible.

Let’s look at a beautiful and resourceful lady who perfectly applied this principle and halted a family calamity and calmed a mighty warrior in the process.

Taking a cue from Abigail

Her name was Abigail and her husband’s was Nabal. He was a rich and arrogant man; one of those personalities—you know the type—who’s angry at life. He carried the proverbial chip on his shoulder.

He was in livestock and had just finished the regular sheep shearing when he was presented with a humble request. David (the future king of Israel) and his party of men had been in the same area and given needed protection to Nabal’s flocks and herdsmen. Now that Nabal and his men were feasting, David dispatched some of his crew to ask Nabal for a few provisions.

Nabal’s answer typified the kind of man he was. It was exactly what one would expect of such a stingy and nasty person. Well, he was knee-deep in lamb’s wool and just couldn’t be bothered with this guy, David. He was flippant in his response and flatly denied the neighborly request for a little food and water. Wealthy Nabal could have easily spared some food—it was considered normal hospitality in that culture—but didn’t.

How do you think this made David feel after his men had protected Nabal’s shepherds and were asking for so little? David had figuratively been slapped in the face. He was insulted and infuriated to the point that he marshaled 400 of his armed men and proceeded to march on Nabal’s house to take revenge.

Abigail’s actions

Thankfully for Abigail, her servant related all that had occurred that day between Nabal and David. Abigail’s actions were swift. She was not going to sit still and let her household be destroyed. She would be proactive and meet David and his warriors and try to defuse the situation. She sent ahead servants loaded with bread, wine, sheep, grain, raisins and fig cakes for David and his men.

As she traveled by donkey, she must have prayerfully sought what she would say when she came face-to-face with a revengeful warrior and his band of men. She must be so careful in her demeanor and speech.

Abigail’s soft answer

Suddenly she could see David and his men approaching and the moment had come. She didn’t flinch but jumped off her donkey and kneeled at David’s feet. Bravely she offered her own life to save her family. She explained who she was and that she had previously been unaware of her husband’s unsympathetic response.

Her answer was a sweet one, a generous one, a soft one as in Proverbs 15:1. She began to praise David for his good reputation. She inspired him to take the high road and to let God be the avenger. Abigail pointed him to his potential and eventual rise to kingship. Her speech projected the positive, peaceful outcome and massaged David’s mind-set. She helped David divert his anger and presented a different course of action—one which was godly and in sync with his character and good name.

In our conversations and run-ins with people who are stirred with a lot of anger and strong emotions, we can help soothe them by using compliments and planting positive solutions and approaches. Applying a degree of sweetness is much more effective in defusing anger than the typical natural approach.

So the next time you are faced with the opportunity to help someone deal with his or her angry emotions, try offering the proverbial spoonful of honey. Then, step back and observe the magic of sweetness.

Judy Servidio lives in Houston, Texas, with her pastor-husband, Jim. She is passionate about biblical study and puts emphasis on the strong women types. She admittedly has a sweet tooth.