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Written by Paul Suckling
Correction and discipline are important and sensitive subjects in parenting. Extremes have caused untold damage, leading to invasive national laws. How can parents apply a biblical balance in this area?
Over the years there have been major changes and pendulum swings in what society allows and expects in many areas of life. Currently the raising and protection of children is near the top of the list of controversial areas. Different countries and cultures approach this challenge in different ways.
Corporal punishment and national laws
For example, a colleague in the United Kingdom sent me information showing that Scotland has much stricter rules than England and Wales when it comes to the physical punishment of children. The Scots list more specifically what can and can’t be done to a child and what kind of instruments might be used on a child. For example, it is illegal to use a slipper, belt, cane, wooden spoon or other implement, and someone doing so could face imprisonment.
In England and Wales, mild corporal punishment is allowed, but any punishment that causes marks, swelling or cuts, etc., could receive imprisonment of up to five years. Mild corporal punishment is allowed under a “reasonable chastisement” defense.
In 2008 over 100 members of Parliament tried to get corporal punishment banned because Britain is one of only five countries in Europe that still allows it. At this point, 17 countries have banned any form of corporal punishment in the home, school or elsewhere.
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) wants to have a ban on corporal punishment for the whole of the United Kingdom.
The Supreme Court in the United States has allowed physical punishment, but not abuse. The majority of states “have expressly incorporated the parental privilege by statute,” according to the Rutherford Institute. However, the states and the courts have set limits and physical abuse is not allowed.
Various standards exist regarding how to handle and address this very challenging responsibility—how does one best raise or bring up children?
Experts divided
With the pendulum swinging away from corporal punishment, it can sometimes seem all the experts are against it. But Time magazine reported:
“Plenty of experts believe that spanking is not always wrong. John Rosemond, executive director of the Center for Affirmative Parenting in Gastonia, N.C., and author of several books on discipline, notes that 50 years ago almost all children were spanked. Yet by all accounts, children are more aggressive and prone to violence today, and at earlier ages, than they were back then. Rosemond isn’t advising parents to break out the whip. He simply points out that existing research on spanking is unpersuasive. ‘There is no evidence gathered by anyone who doesn’t have an ideological ax to grind that suggests spanking per se is psychologically harmful,’ he says.”
Biblical teaching
Parents are required by the Creator to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). This requires more than just fireside chats about what might be right or wrong. To be an effective parent means that proper, loving correction has to be used to help the child realize that there is a penalty for sin and disobedience.
From the creation, God has said, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door” (Genesis 4:7). Throughout the book of Proverbs there is instruction on disciplining a child. This refers to teaching and training where the parent is motivated by love for the child, rather than by revenge or cruelty.
Whether to use corporal punishment is a decision parents must make. The Bible condones its use (Proverbs 22:15), but the expectation is that if it is employed, it will not cross the line into abuse. If someone doesn’t have his or her emotions under control, it would be very unwise for him or her to administer corporal punishment. It is also not wise to administer corporal punishment in a public place.
Avoiding the extremes
Winston Churchill, thought by some to be the greatest Englishman ever or certainly the greatest of the last century, was sent to boarding school at around the age of 7. By the time he was around 9, his mother had him moved to another school because of the severe and cruel beatings he received from the master there. The welts lasted for many days. This was extreme and over the top in reaction to a child being troublesome or naughty.
Contrast that to the other extreme where a parent (or teacher) does nothing. Experience shows that permissive parenting can allow chaos to reign. A parent can then be faced with defiance, rebellion and major tantrums just because a child doesn’t get his or her own way. The end result is not good for the family, society and, most of all, for the child.
Let’s ask ourselves, “Who knows best?” The 17 countries of Europe where all corporal punishment is banned, or the Scriptures given by God and applied in a caring and loving way in the best interest of the child? Proverbs 19:20 should apply to us all.
Course corrections
Think of it this way. We are all familiar with the giant rockets that take astronauts up into space, say toward the space station. Along the way those rockets receive course corrections from ground control so that they stay on the right trajectory. As they plow their way through the skies and on into space, those in the command center who have the responsibility to see that the rocket gets to its destination send out course corrections.
No one evaluates that as cruel or bizarre thinking. It is the same with children who have to learn right from wrong and how to listen and obey. If they don’t understand a request, they should not be in so much fear that they are scared to ask the question, “Why?” On the other hand, an occasional spanking to gain the child’s attention or his or her obedience isn’t going to destroy the child. We’re not talking about abuse like Churchill experienced. That was extreme and unbalanced.
Balance. This is the area where all parents need to focus. How should I correct my child in love and in a balanced way so that I don’t go overboard and cross or even approach the line toward cruelty?
Some keys to consider
Acknowledge that you must have your emotions under control so you don’t ever lash out in anger; and never allow revenge to dominate you.
As you study this subject of correction in the Bible, examine the Scriptures in a variety of translations because some translations use very emotive words casting God in a very cruel light rather than as the loving Father He is. He wants mankind to learn that there are consequences that follow good or bad behavior.
Study and seriously consider these verses: Proverbs 12:1; 14:12; 16:32; 19:27 and 27:5-6 encourage us all to accept correction and make changes as we look to the future. Proverbs 29:15 gives a very good reason to correct your child for the sake of the whole family.
We hope to cover this sensitive subject of correction and discipline more in the future, focusing on effective methods for the different age ranges of children. Please feel free to send questions and suggestions.
Paul Suckling is a Church of God, a Worldwide Association, pastor from England who now lives in New England. He is a father and a grandfather.
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